Friday, May 31, 2013
When a Woman Goes to Bed...
When a women goes to bed, she first grabs her reading tablet before arranging her three pillows juuust right - one for legs, one for arms, one for head.
And the pillows remind her of earlier in the day when she saw the cat "bathing" itself on her head pillow, and it grosses her out.
So she searches for a fresh pillow case, hoping to find a super soft one because she once heard Heather Locklear - 20 plus years ago - say something about how high thread-count sheets help prevent face wrinkles.
But to no avail, she can only find a cheap tween-ish one that has a bunch of sayings on it with hearts and squiggly lines - "Rock Star!" "Glamorous!" "Call me!"
Feeling the exact opposite of rock star and glamorous AND not wanting anyone anywhere to call her for any reason, she hears her 16-year-old daughter calling her from the other room...to talk.
All done talking for the day, she goes in there and talks anyway. "I bet Michelle Duggar would gladly talk to her teen daughter(s) at any time" is the prevailing thought that guilts her into chatting for longer than intended.
But soon other thoughts take over: Did I hook my phone up? Should I apply extra eye cream because of the low thread-count? Is my husband mad at me?
So with great mom precision and care, she smoothly brings the Kaila/Kenzie/Kelsey/Kylie drama discussion to an end and slips out of the room.
Surprised she didn't offend her daughter with her fabulous advice, she wonders to herself, "Maybe I am a rock star after all."
She then goes pee for the 29th time that day, but not without stubbing her toe before collapsing into bed - where she leans over and whispers to her husband, "Honey, are you mad at me?"
And she gets nothing. So she whispers more forcefully, "Honey, are you mad?" Still nothing.
Amazed at her husband's ability to completely shut down like that, she finds comfort in her three pillows and in the thought, "Well at least God isn't mad at me."
So she double-checks on God not being mad at her by going to her Bible App and finding this verse: "The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he refreshes my soul." (Psalm 23:1-2)
Feeling stilled, feeling refreshed, feeling cared for - and kind of wishing she was in Hawaii - she FINALLY rolls over and falls asleep (right after spending a few minutes worrying about money).
But when a man goes to bed, he lies down and goes to sleep.