I'm tired. Not just I-ran-a-zillion-errands-today tired. But soul weary tired. I think it's this whole woman thing I've got going on these (almost) 40 years. Being a girl can sure get complicated. There are lots of lasagna-esque layers to it.
Forget about lasagna for a minute and think just layers. Life layers. The pressure to have a glowing skin layer underneath the designer handbag and size 2 skinny jean layers can be a bit much. What about the pressure to "better hurry up and get that forehead crease botoxed before it really sets in?" Too much, I say. Somebody please get me some quality chocolate and dependable WiFi. Quick!
Or what about the more noble and virtuous life layers? Like being a good, loving wife - the kind who helps her husband remember their anniversary. Or amping up the mommy skills by layering in more patience, becoming a "yes I would love to watch you do 23 cartwheels in a row" kind of parent.
That's not all. At any given moment, the pressure is also on to act smarter than I am: "Nuclear proliferation seriously de-stabilizes international and regional relations..."
Or act more sophisticated: "No I didn't get this scarf on clearance at Target for $3.24...yesterday..."
Or more clever: "Because seven-'ate'-nine, and roosters don't lay eggs!"
It all just makes for one very pooped-out me. So it's a good thing I was paying attention during Bible study this week, a Bible study called Love and War.* It's about the battle we women face for our futures and our hearts as we go into each day. And the speaker, Debbie Eaton, challenged me to ask myself this question:
"What would my everyday look like if I knew, really knew, I am known and loved by God?"
At first, I felt I had to reprogram my thinking - like I had to turn off the side of my brain that says "God loves me and sees me better when I hit the ground praying each day...and when I stop to listen to my chatty neighbor...and, oh yeah, when I floss."
So once I got all that turned off, my first response to God's unending love for me was: "I'd probably be blushing constantly." Is that weird? Think about it. The God of the universe LOVES us. Ephesians 1:4 says, "Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes."
So even when I am busy running from who I am, he loves me. Even when I doubt my value, he loves me. Even when during the very act of telling my friend, "You know, blogs with cuss words in them are usually the popular ones. I'm thinking of adding one here and there," HE LOVED ME. But of course, because of his love and the woozy, I'm-forever-yours effect it has on me, I've never added a cuss word. (But keep praying for me. We all have a breaking point.)
Okay. Where was I. Oh yes, lasagna. I'm thinking God would go bonkers over my lasagna layered with pork sausage, cheese, whole milk ricotta, and more cheese...nestled between regular ol' 1980s lasagna noodles. Truth is, he'd go bonkers even if it was layered with sea kelp and pumpkin seeds and coconut milk. Nothing cheesy about that!