Then follow up with bracelets. Lots of them. Layered up to your elbows, maybe even higher. Layer after clinking layer of chains, cuffs, bangles, beads, and Rainbow Loom. It's like a bracelet salad.
And maybe try denim on denim. No, pastel with denim. No, white with black. And make it a shirtdress. Or a frill hem skirt with a crop top. Or a crop top with trousers. No, with soft pants. Okay, absolutely no crop tops - boyfriend tee instead.
After ALL that - if you can still see through all those trendy layers - look for your coral lip stain at the bottom of your fringed cross body bag before walking out the door to go to... uh, to go to... give me a minute and I'll think of someplace to go besides staying home to take selfies.
Fashion lingo... who makes this stuff up? Back in the day I was wearing jellies, Swatch watches, and stretch-stirrup pants. My mom was wearing Go-Go boots with mini skirts and granny gowns with hippy beads. And my Nana wore sloppy joe sweaters with pleated skirts and saddle shoes.
And way back in time, Biblically-back in time, various groups of people were wearing ephods and simlahs and tunics and sashes. And some folks also "girded up their loins," which doesn't sound very cover-of-Vogue-ish, nor very sanitary. Moving on.
Another Biblical reference to clothes comes from Colossians 3:12: "As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."
Who needs a statement necklace when you're wearing "clothes" like that? "I care for you, I'm here to comfort you, I've got all the time in the world for you" - talk about statement-making! And they're one-size-fits-all, too. Everybody wins!
So, demanding my way, being really mean, and eating too much cake - definitely clothes I want to take off. Compassion, kindness, and especially patience - most definitely clothes I want to put on.
Now, where did I put those rose gold baubles and chevron-print Tom's...